I’m My Own Worst Enemy

Some people’s ideal Sunday FunDay involves sitting around drinking beer while watching football or perhaps enjoying mimosas during a leisurely brunch.  Mine, on the other hand, consists of waking early to an alarm, pounding out a long run, and then coming home to some recovery food and an afternoon of napping.  Until two weeks ago, I have been desperately missing my Sunday RunDay.  Even when I was stripping down after my first long run after returning to training (a sixteen-mile progression run) and I could smell the old familiar, sour stench of ammonia (meaning my body had used up its glycogen stores and started breaking down amino acids to use as fuel – probably when I was winding up the run at marathon pace), my first thought was “God – I’ve missed this!”

I now have two solid weeks of running on my post-marathon Brooks shoe purchase, and words cannot express how amazing it feels to be back.  I probably only gained two to three pounds while I was off-track recovering, but I just saw my running body slowly slipping away.   I guess only a marathoner would complain that her boobs are getting bigger.  However – maybe it’s partly mental – but I really do think I’m already feeling leaner and stronger. 

Perhaps worse than my weakening body, I was going crazy having to spend so many dull hours deep water running in the pool.  I made the best of it – I did what I had to do – but damn!  It’s nowhere close to as fun as running outside!  I don’t understand how swimmers can spend hours-on-end staring at a black line at the bottom of a pool.  And people say running is boring!

One thing is for sure and it’s that I don’t want to be injured again.  And there’s only one person who could send me back to rehab and that’s myself.  I have no trainer.  No coach.  No one else to blame but myself if I make a mistake.  I have to take personal responsibility and accountability for the runs I chose to do and when I chose to do them.

And after being out for a few months I am rearing to go!  But like my old horse Star Man who would be prancing all around, nostrils flaring, and unable to stand still or even flat walk when he felt the first touches of fall and its cooler temperatures, I too need to be reined in.

Sometimes I forget how immature my running body is – My first training run was only about a year and a half ago.  And they say it takes seven years before a runner can reach her peak!  The truth of the matter is that I am nowhere close to being capable of piling on the miles and handling the stress of all the hard training that I would like.  If only I had listened to Coach Dodrill, the cross country and track coach at my high school, when he repeatedly told me that I “looked like a runner” and should join the team, then maybe I would capable of running and training much harder today.  But I was a freaking idiot.  I’m pretty sure I somehow took offense to his remarks (Did I not look like a cheerleader??), and it wasn’t until I opened a marathon training book a little over a year ago that I finally got it.

But I will make mistakes and shoot myself in the foot (or rather sprain an ankle, get plantar fasciitis, or pull a muscle) many times.  Even the most careful and conservative runner will most likely get injured at some point.  However, I can try to train smart to decrease my chances.  I’ve already made some aggressive moves – upping my mileage very quickly (from 26 in Week 2 to 51 in Week 3 when I finally felt like my ankle had recovered), and running 30-second repeats that should have been at 5K-10K pace at a 5:15 mile pace instead (Let’s be honest – That’s almost like sprinting.  I can’t run a 5K at 5:15 mile pace.)  And I am feeling the effects and working through them – First it was tight calves, then tights hips, and now my lower left leg feels a little stressed out (probably because it hasn’t had a compression sleeve like my healing right ankle).  But I am doing my best to take the rest when I need it, and I will also cut a run or some mileage in a heartbeat, and I already have.  I take it each day at a time, and I try to only do what I think my body can handle.  Even through these aches and pains, I will say that I feel like I am running extremely well given the time that I’ve been out, and I don’t want to lose what I have. 

However, the next two weeks of training are perhaps the most dangerous.  If I am going to have a follow-up injury to my ankle sprain, I believe it will most likely happen this week or the following week.  And if I get hurt, it’s going to be my own damn fault.  I am my own worse enemy, and my drive and determination can both make and break me. 

Marathon training is all about taking oneself as close to the edge as possible, and after months of being away from running, I really don’t want to fall off it again.

Boston Experiment Week 4 of 16:  52 Miles (Longest run was 15 miles.  Holding mileage consistent with last week to help build base)

This Week’s Beer Choice:  Triple C Brewing Company’s 3C IPA

3C IPA at Triple C Brewing Company

My dog Sugar (R) and her bestie Ella (L) at Triple C